We all doubt. Let’s face it, at one time in your life you’ve had your doubts about something. It might have been a job you were hoping to get, a relationship or something else. But everyone admits in their life that they’ve doubted.
But what happens when it’s your faith? What happens when one night you have this thought “Am I really following the truth? Is Jesus really the only way to heaven? What if he’s not? What if I’m the one following something that isn’t true”. It is here that we come to grips with our biggest fear, the fear that what we have been believing isn’t true. That it iss a lie. What happens when we doubt our faith? Are we even allowed to do that?
A couple months ago I was driving home from hanging out with some people in my local community. I was alone, it was late, and the roads I take are pretty much in the middle of nowhere with just woods on both sides. I was thinking about how the night went, what we talked about and the life that I found myself living in. One thing lead to another and I started thinking about my faith and if it was really one true faith. If Jesus really was who he said he was, if God is what I’ve been taught to believe he is like. All of the sudden I felt a very dark feeling coming over me. I felt extremely alone and started to panic. Thinking to myself “What if I’m going to Hell?”. I never felt so alone in this moment. I was breathing heavily, and I felt hopeless. I did the only thing I knew to do, pray. I just started to ask the Holy Spirit to give me comfort beyond my understanding. He did. I felt a peace come over me, one that I couldn’t explain, a comfort that calmed me, and reminded me of the life I’m living in truth.
Why do I tell this story? Because the next morning I thought to myself “Do other Christians ever doubt? Are we allowed to doubt?”. Yes, and Yes. This really isn’t a very talked about subject. In fact, growing up I’ve only been told the opposite. That I can have absolute assurance of salvation, that I can be 100% sure that I’m going to heaven one day when I die. Rarely if ever did I hear the subject of doubt addressed. And why address it? It’s terrifying.
But we must come face to face with doubt sometime in our life when it comes to the Christian faith. We shouldn’t feel guilty either. Remember Thomas? The one who spent time with the physical Jesus? What is he famous for? Doubting. We get the expression “Doubting Thomas” from this guy. Jesus was so merciful in his moment of doubt, asking Thomas to feel where the nails pierced. He does this with us. In our moments of doubt He tells us to look at his hands, to look at his feet, to see where the nails pierced.
It is ok to doubt. I’ll say that again, it is ok to doubt. In fact it is when we doubt that we come face to face with our deepest fears. When this happens we remove all obstacles from God meeting with us directly where we are. Sometimes we use things to get to God (Such as reading the Bible, or putting worship music on, or attending a Sunday morning service), and these things are not bad at all, but sometimes God wants to cut out the middle man and meet with us directly. One on one, nothing in between us and Him. When we have our moments of doubt, and we realize how vulnerable we are, the Holy Spirit comes in and minsters to us. God, for a moment becomes so close that we can feel His heart beat.
I encourage you to be honest with yourself regarding the faith you believe in. And don’t be afraid if you have doubts, because God is bigger than our doubts, He isn’t afraid of it, and He desires to have us draw near to Him when we are in the midst of it.
-TW
